I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
