i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
