it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
