can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
