i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Redeem this text for a blowjob
is wine microwaveable?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize