If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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