you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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