Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
please come you make the beer taste better
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
