My hand turned me down
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
