I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize