A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
