i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
