At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
