If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
