i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
