I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
