So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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