That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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