Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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