booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
The adults are the big ones right?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
