i was born a porn star she said
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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