My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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