I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
