my mouth tastes like poor choices
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
