11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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