Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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