i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize