My hair reeks of homosexuality.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
