The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
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