Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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