it's too hot outside to masturbate.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
