3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
