blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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