all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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