hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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