Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
