You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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