Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
