you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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