I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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