DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
