i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize