If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
