I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize