Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
