What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
