So drunk its hurt
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Bring me that man meat
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
