I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
we're so committed to being not committed
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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