I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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