I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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