FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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