I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize