I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
