I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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