Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just forgot I was standing up.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
