I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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