Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
