And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
