Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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