I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
