it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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