when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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