I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
