he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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