Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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