I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
