At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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