My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
