I think I died a long time ago.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
