it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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