The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
