I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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