I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
