that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
