$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
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