I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Are my feet made of real feet?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Randomize
